Why Arranged Marriages Work!
Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Dr. Lisa Bobby, a Board Certified Life Coach: I absolutely agree. Our listeners consist of women and men of a variety of ages and ethnic backgrounds. That said, our matchmaking and dating coaching services are focused on South Asians, mainly Indians, who are choosing to opt out of arranged marriages.
I’m wondering if, whether from your practitioner experience or while you were training and exposed to different concepts, if you have any opinions or insights regarding arranged marriages. I know it’s a wild-card question.
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Dr. Lisa Bobby
Arranged Marriages Work: Lack of Counseling?
Unfortunately, in my particular practice, I have not worked with any couples in marriage counseling that have had arranged marriages. Maybe that’s a good thing, Jasbina.
I don’t have couples who are in arranged marriages showing up for marriage counseling. That might be a sign of good things.
Arranged Marriages Work: Positive Feedback
People who I have spoken to and anecdotal stories that I’ve heard about arranged marriages have been overwhelmingly positive.
Here is why I think that arranged marriages tend to be so successful. This is my personal opinion.
Arranged Marriages Work: Commitment
I believe that real, authentic, true love is a choice. I don’t think it’s a feeling. I think that people get really confused, especially in early relationships.
They have feelings of anxiety and excitement. People confuse that feeling with love.
Whereas, my concept of love is positive feelings.
Yes, it can feel exciting and romantic but love is a choice that comes from values.
I think that we choose to behave with love. We choose to show each other love.
If you have begun a relationship making a profound commitment to love someone, whether or not you feel like it, I think that you have such an advantage.
This is compared to many people who get married for feelings of romantic love. In those cases, love can be based on feeling loving. Does that make sense?
It does. There is something profound there.
Arranged Marriages Work: Decision Versus Feeling
A philosophy underlying our services is one of blending what I consider the best from the East and the West.
One great insight that everyone should consider, regardless of ethnicity, is the decision to commit. I think it is profound to distinguish between a decision and a feeling.
Once you make a decision to commit, you also make other choices and decisions in alignment with that.
Why Arranged Marriages Work: Example
For example, if you have decided to commit to someone, your tendency is to choose to focus on the positive things about your partner. We all have positive and negative.
Once you make a decision to commit, it’s self-preservation to focus on the positive in your partner as opposed to noticing all the things that could be improved upon.
You have decided to commit to this person. For the sake of living a happy life, you focus on the positive in this person and the relationship. It makes for a much more fulfilled life.
I think the idea of deciding to love is very profound.
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Tell Us:
Arranged marriages work, share your success stories below in the comments section! We’d love to hear from you.
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The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Dr. Lisa Bobby
The entire interview transcript is at: Dr. Lisa Bobby Interview – Relationship Patterns (and How to Overcome Them)
Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show
Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: NetIP Spotlight- Live Your Potential: Relationship Patterns (and How to Overcome Them) – Dr. Lisa Bobby
Listen to the entire interview on iTunes
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