Unpredictable Attraction: Embrace It

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Lori Gottlieb – Author of the book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough: That’s interesting. During the personal consultations that we conduct as part of our process, we discuss essential needs or must-haves on the one hand and deal-breakers on the other.

I typically find it meaningful to probe the underlying “why” behind each must-have and deal-breaker.

Perhaps for that reason, the following quote from your book really resonated with me.

Must-Haves We Use to Avoid Unpredictable Attraction

You said, “That’s a mistake many of us make. Our must-haves and deal-breakers are the “what” when they should be the “why.” Can you explain that to us?

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Lori Gottlieb

That was so interesting. We know what we’re attracted to when we see it.

Unpredictable Attraction: No “Why”

In advance, we often don’t know what it’s going to be. That’s because we know what we’re attracted to but we don’t know why.

Here is an example. Let’s say that you said:

I want someone who has a stable job with health insurance.

I don’t want to go out with artists. I don’t like artists.

I want to go out with someone who is more stable than that.

It turns out that you end up falling in love with a freelance composer. How can that be?

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Explaining Unpredictable Attraction

You are attracted to the intellect or ambition of this person. Maybe the composer is very intellectual and ambitious but he doesn’t have a stable corporate job.