Look for Love Actively

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Lori Gottlieb – Author of the book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough: Empowerment for women and men in relationships is very important to me.

There is another quote in your book that I found particularly insightful and empowering.

You wrote, “I’m finding this more realistic way of dating kind of liberating. How reassuring it is to know that, in many ways, finding a good made isn’t just some random external event. It’s based largely on our own choices and actions.” I’d love to hear more about this. I know that our listeners would.

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Lori Gottlieb

Look for Love, Don’t Depend on Destiny

(15:16): I think that a lot of us think that destiny or fate will happen.

Someday, we’ll be in the supermarket. We’ll drop a can of peas and our eyes will meet. Some guy will pick it up.

No one really thinks that.

Look for Love Actively: Online Scenario

You’re on Match.com and you think, “We have all of these things in common. It’s destiny. It’s fate. Can you believe that he just broke up with his girlfriend three weeks before? Then he happened to get my profile.”

We always make up these stories about why it is meant to be.

I think that’s a very difficult position to be in if you’re waiting for destiny or fate to deliver this person to you or put you in each other’s paths.

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Look for Love, The Real Story

Very happily married people will tell you that it wasn’t all magic about them meeting.

There are some great stories, but many times, it was a very unromantic way of meeting.

They happened to know each other, they had been friends for a while or they worked two cubicles apart. It wasn’t some kind of magical fantasy thing.

Look for Love Actively and Make Smart Choices

By saying, “I can make smart choices. I can look for people who are going to give me the things that I really want in a marriage,” then I think it gives you a lot more power.

You’re not sitting back. You’re not so vulnerable.

You’re saying, “I’m going to look around me and look for these qualities that really matter to me and notice them.” I think they are much more apparent and available than a lot of us think.

We believe that when we meet the right person, bells and whistles are going to go off that somehow signal to us, “I’ve met him. Now I can stop.” It doesn’t always happen that way.

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Reflect:

Are you in a successful relationship? Tell us in the comments below how you would look for love actively!

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The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Lori Gottlieb.

The entire interview transcript is at: Lori Gottlieb Interview – Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show