[VIDEO] How Soon to Text After a First Date
YourTango Experts – Matchmakers Paul C. Brunson, Peggy Wolman, Jasbina Ahluwalia, Michelle Jacoby, and Marla Martenson on Do You Text Immediately After a First Date?
Check out the video above to learn about ‘How Soon to Text After a First Date?’
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Paul Carrick Brunson
(00:10): Let’s say that you’ve gone on this great first date, or at least you perceive it to be a great first date. You’re the woman on the date. The date is over. You’re sitting at home. Do you text him?
All
(00:24): No.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(00:25): But it was a great date.
Michelle Jacoby
(00:26): You let him know it was a great date at the end of the date.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(00:27): But he hasn’t texted you or called you yet.
(00:33): That’s where the options come in. Do something else. Do something for yourself. Go out with your girlfriends. Go on a date with someone else but do not sit by the phone.
Marla Martenson
(00:43): I will say, it’s very nice to send him a little text the next day, even if you don’t want to see him again. You can say, “Thank you so much.” Men are shelling out all this money for these dates. It’s expensive in LA. It’s sometimes $100 or $200 for a dinner. Then the girl doesn’t want to see him again. Rarely does a woman call or text the next day to say, “Thank you.” The men think, “She didn’t want to see me again, but she appreciated it and said thank you.” That means a lot to men.
Peggy Lowman
(1:12): If you haven’t heard from someone in 24 to 48 hours, you can’t presume that the person doesn’t want to go out with you again. Anything can happen, such as illness or work.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(1:28): He could have met another woman after the date.
Peggy Lowman
(1:31): They’re accused of not liking you because they didn’t respond to you and you have no idea why. I say that you have to wait a couple of days. If you still haven’t heard from him and you had an absolutely wonderful time, by all means, send him an email or text. You can say, “I just wanted to tell you that I had a wonderful time the other night. Thank you again.”
Paul Carrick Brunson
(1:56): She doesn’t appear desperate at that point?
Peggy Lowman
(1:57): No. She’s just saying, “Thank you again.” That’s all.
Michelle Jacoby
(2:00): Paul, you and I are both in DC. What kind of women do we have in DC? They are strong, powerful, assertive women.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(2:08): Yes, they are very compelling women.
Michelle Jacoby
(2:09): I tell women every day, “Let the man be the man.” When you’re in the boardroom in front of 40 people, you’re telling them what’s what and you’re running a business. When you’re on a date, couldn’t you just let the guy know at the end of the date that you really liked him? Let him be the hunter. Let him feel good about the fact that he pursued you.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(2:25): What about all of these books and blogs that are telling the guy, “You’re soft if you text or call right back?” They say to wait two or three days.
Michelle Jacoby
(2:34): They’re getting bad advice.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(2:36): What does the woman do in that situation?
(2:38): That’s why the woman should not be waiting around. Don’t wait. Then you’re going to come up with all these stories about what’s going on. You’ll think, “He must have met someone else,” or “Maybe he got into an accident.” Don’t wait around. You recognize that you are a high-value woman. Maybe something did happen. Maybe he had a deadline for work. Then some guys will hesitate to call.
He might think, “I’ve had experience with this before. If I call her and it’s been four days, if I call her now, she’s going to rip my head off.” Some guys will hesitate because they didn’t call right after. I tell women, “If you’re interested in a guy and you felt enough there to go on another date, when he calls, warmly receive that.” You can say, “It’s good to hear from you. I had such a great time.” Let him breathe that sigh of relief that, “She’s not going to tear my head off. She’s happy to hear from me.” Then you will likely proceed to get to know each other better.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(3:49): You’re saying that if you haven’t heard from him in 24 hours, it’s okay to text him first?
(3:56): No, I’m not saying to text him. I’m saying don’t wait around for him. If you had been waiting around for two or three days, when he does call, you’re more likely to resent him and bite his head off. I say, go about your life. Don’t sit there by the phone. Don’t wait for him. If five or six days elapse and you really felt a connection, I don’t think there is anything to lose by reaching out and letting him know you had a great time.
But do that and don’t be attached to the outcome. Don’t expect that you’re definitely going to hear back. I would say, if he doesn’t call back at that point, then good. You’ve been exploring other options in the meanwhile. You’ve been living your life. You don’t feel like you’ve lost a part of your life. Yes, it’s a disappointment, but it can just be that. It’s about how you handle yourself.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(4:51): I love it.
Michelle Jacoby
(4:52): Can I say one thing about texting? Texting is out of control. I really think, if someone texts you after a date, some guys are tentative. They want to see if you had a good time. I am all for smiley faces, exclamation points and enthusiasm in your texts because these messages are so flat. You can write, “I had a fabulous time,” with an exclamation point and a smiley face. There’s something feminine and enthusiastic about that. It gives the guy the encouragement to call you up and ask you out.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(5:19): I agree. There needs to be as much emotion as you can put in. What was great about this question is that there was high excitement and energy in it. We can see that this was something that we did agree on. Make sure that before you leave that great first date, that you at least let your partner know you had a great time. That’s very important. Once you get home, if they don’t contact you, know that there are no hard, fast rules. Good luck.
_____
What do you think?
How Soon to Text After a First Date – what do you think? Share with us in the comments below.
_____
YourTango Experts – Matchmakers Paul C. Brunson, Peggy Wolman, Jasbina Ahluwalia, Michelle Jacoby, and Marla Martenson on Do You Text Immediately After a First Date?
Check out the video above to learn about ‘How Soon to Text After a First Date?’
_____
Paul Carrick Brunson
(00:10): Let’s say that you’ve gone on this great first date, or at least you perceive it to be a great first date. You’re the woman on the date. The date is over. You’re sitting at home. Do you text him?
All
(00:24): No.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(00:25): But it was a great date.
Michelle Jacoby
(00:26): You let him know it was a great date at the end of the date.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(00:27): But he hasn’t texted you or called you yet.
(00:33): That’s where the options come in. Do something else. Do something for yourself. Go out with your girlfriends. Go on a date with someone else but do not sit by the phone.
Marla Martenson
(00:43): I will say, it’s very nice to send him a little text the next day, even if you don’t want to see him again. You can say, “Thank you so much.” Men are shelling out all this money for these dates. It’s expensive in LA. It’s sometimes $100 or $200 for a dinner. Then the girl doesn’t want to see him again. Rarely does a woman call or text the next day to say, “Thank you.” The men think, “She didn’t want to see me again, but she appreciated it and said thank you.” That means a lot to men.
Peggy Lowman
(1:12): If you haven’t heard from someone in 24 to 48 hours, you can’t presume that the person doesn’t want to go out with you again. Anything can happen, such as illness or work.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(1:28): He could have met another woman after the date.
Peggy Lowman
(1:31): They’re accused of not liking you because they didn’t respond to you and you have no idea why. I say that you have to wait a couple of days. If you still haven’t heard from him and you had an absolutely wonderful time, by all means, send him an email or text. You can say, “I just wanted to tell you that I had a wonderful time the other night. Thank you again.”
Paul Carrick Brunson
(1:56): She doesn’t appear desperate at that point?
Peggy Lowman
(1:57): No. She’s just saying, “Thank you again.” That’s all.
Michelle Jacoby
(2:00): Paul, you and I are both in DC. What kind of women do we have in DC? They are strong, powerful, assertive women.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(2:08): Yes, they are very compelling women.
Michelle Jacoby
(2:09): I tell women every day, “Let the man be the man.” When you’re in the boardroom in front of 40 people, you’re telling them what’s what and you’re running a business. When you’re on a date, couldn’t you just let the guy know at the end of the date that you really liked him? Let him be the hunter. Let him feel good about the fact that he pursued you.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(2:25): What about all of these books and blogs that are telling the guy, “You’re soft if you text or call right back?” They say to wait two or three days.
Michelle Jacoby
(2:34): They’re getting bad advice.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(2:36): What does the woman do in that situation?
(2:38): That’s why the woman should not be waiting around. Don’t wait. Then you’re going to come up with all these stories about what’s going on. You’ll think, “He must have met someone else,” or “Maybe he got into an accident.” Don’t wait around. You recognize that you are a high-value woman. Maybe something did happen. Maybe he had a deadline for work. Then some guys will hesitate to call.
He might think, “I’ve had experience with this before. If I call her and it’s been four days, if I call her now, she’s going to rip my head off.” Some guys will hesitate because they didn’t call right after. I tell women, “If you’re interested in a guy and you felt enough there to go on another date, when he calls, warmly receive that.” You can say, “It’s good to hear from you. I had such a great time.” Let him breathe that sigh of relief that, “She’s not going to tear my head off. She’s happy to hear from me.” Then you will likely proceed to get to know each other better.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(3:49): You’re saying that if you haven’t heard from him in 24 hours, it’s okay to text him first?
(3:56): No, I’m not saying to text him. I’m saying don’t wait around for him. If you had been waiting around for two or three days, when he does call, you’re more likely to resent him and bite his head off. I say, go about your life. Don’t sit there by the phone. Don’t wait for him. If five or six days elapse and you really felt a connection, I don’t think there is anything to lose by reaching out and letting him know you had a great time.
But do that and don’t be attached to the outcome. Don’t expect that you’re definitely going to hear back. I would say, if he doesn’t call back at that point, then good. You’ve been exploring other options in the meanwhile. You’ve been living your life. You don’t feel like you’ve lost a part of your life. Yes, it’s a disappointment, but it can just be that. It’s about how you handle yourself.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(4:51): I love it.
Michelle Jacoby
(4:52): Can I say one thing about texting? Texting is out of control. I really think, if someone texts you after a date, some guys are tentative. They want to see if you had a good time. I am all for smiley faces, exclamation points and enthusiasm in your texts because these messages are so flat. You can write, “I had a fabulous time,” with an exclamation point and a smiley face. There’s something feminine and enthusiastic about that. It gives the guy the encouragement to call you up and ask you out.
Paul Carrick Brunson
(5:19): I agree. There needs to be as much emotion as you can put in. What was great about this question is that there was high excitement and energy in it. We can see that this was something that we did agree on. Make sure that before you leave that great first date, that you at least let your partner know you had a great time. That’s very important. Once you get home, if they don’t contact you, know that there are no hard, fast rules. Good luck.
_____
What do you think?
How Soon to Text After a First Date – what do you think? Share with us in the comments below.
_____
