Marriage is Twice as Long

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Ty Tashiro, author of The Science of Happily Ever After: What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love: Given what you’ve said in terms of the high divorce rates and brevity of marriages, people feel that they’re making a lifelong commitment and it’s quite devastating.

Coming from a positive angle and a place of empowerment, what should people look for to find a more enduring relationship?

They want to find that relationship where they can have memories and experiences of decades, knowing that this person likes two lumps of sugar rather than one. What should they look for?

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Ty Tashiro

There are a number of things.

One is to be clear about what the task is.

Marriage is Twice as Long: Lifetime is Really Long!

I think most people know what it means to be happy in a relationship. A lifetime is a really long time.

Marriage is Twice as Long: Life Expectancy

The institution of marriage has been around for about 5,000 years. For most of those 5,000 years, life expectancy across all countries was under 40 years old. It wasn’t until the early 1800s that people started living longer.

Now, we live to our late seventies. In some countries, that is about twice as long.

Ever after is about twice as long as it used to be. I think that sometimes gets lost in the mix.

Marriage is Twice as Long: Life Partner Expectations

That being said, the type of person who will be able to have a relationship that lasts for decades on end is usually a little bit different than the kind of person that we envision dating.

The person we envision dating tends to be more exciting. There are a little more fireworks with that. There is that whole idea of passionate love, butterflies in the stomach and a pounding heart. That’s all great stuff.

I hope people find that and it lasts for as long as it can. Those aren’t the same kinds of things that contribute to a long-lasting relationship.