Diana Kirschner Interview: Online Dating Strategies
“Find Your Soulmate Online”
Jasbina Ahluwalia interviews Dr. Diana Kirschner
A few of the topics Dr. Diana Kirschner addresses in this interview are:
- (3:16) Is There A Soulmate For Everyone?
- (4:48) 3 Signs A Guy Has Soulmate Potential
- (7:38) Does Love Come In Suprise Packages?
- (9:35) The Secret To An Irresistible Email
- (11:46) 3 Online Dating Success Tips
- (14:23) Lower Your Expectations!
- (16:45) Why Date Multiple Men At Once
- (20:46) 2 Online Dating Sites For Over 40
- (24:00) 3 Online Dating Red Flags
- (27:23) Flirting Secret – Silence!
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PBS Love expert, psychologist and bestselling author, Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. has helped thousands of singles and couples to find the relationships of their dreams. Along with her team of expert Love Mentor® and dating coaches, she uses a unique approach to empower women by phone/Skype all over the world to heal from heartbreak and find lasting love.
Dr. Diana is the author of the new books, Find Your Soulmate Online in 6 Simple Steps and 30 Days to Love; the relationship advice book, Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love and the bestselling dating book, Love in 90 Days, which is the basis for her one-woman PBS TV Show Finding Your Own True Love.
Dr. Diana successfully ran the 90 Day Love Challenge on the Fox Morning Show, with highest ratings. She frequently appeared on The Today Show, Oprah, Good Morning America, Nightline and Access Hollywood. She is widely quoted on dating, couples and family issues in The New York Times, USA Today, Time magazine, The New York Post, The LA Times, Cosmopolitan, People magazine and many more.
Dr. Diana also ran the Institute for Comprehensive Family Therapy, a nationally-recognized post-graduate center devoted to training psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists all over the world in a unique approach which combined individual, couple and family therapy. As part of that training she did “live” breakthrough sessions with singles, couples and families who were stuck at an impasse—showing how to resolve the most difficult relationship, family and work issues in front of large audiences of mental health professionals. Her seminal contributions to the field are summarized at Wikipedia.com.
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(00:48): Hello everyone and welcome to Intersections Match’s Talk Radio, a monthly holistic lifestyle show focused on the continual evolution into the best versions of our authentic selves. This is Jasbina, your host. I’m the Founder of Intersections Match, the only national matchmaking and dating coaching company focused on South Asian singles in North America. As a dating coach and matchmaker, I’m a big believer in keeping all avenues open.
Today’s radio show discussion will be helpful to those of you out there who have tried, are trying or thinking of trying online dating. I’d like to welcome our guest today, Dr. Diana Kirschner.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
(1:27): Hi, how are you?
(1:30): Hi. Welcome, Diana. Diana has been a frequent guest on The Today Show and starred in the PBS TV special, Finding Your Own True Love. She is the bestselling author of Love in 90 Days and the book that we’ll be discussing on today’s show, which is now on Kindle, Find Your Soulmate Online in Six Simple Steps. Welcome, Diana
Dr. Diana Kirschner
(1:51): Thanks so much. I’m excited to be with you.
(1:54): It’s a pleasure to have you. What led you to write Find Your Soulmate Online in Six Simple Steps?
Dr. Diana Kirschner
(2:04): I’m a love expert. Amazon came to me and said, “We want to publish a book about online dating. You’re the person who knows how to really make it work.” They published this ebook. I have a group of 13 dating and relationship coaches who work under my supervision. They gather information all the time about what works and what does not work in online dating. We used that plus the research about attraction to help people find fantastic matches. It really can be done online these days. It’s amazing what you can do online these days in terms of finding your soulmate.
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Is There A Soulmate For Everyone?
(3:06): I agree. That is an interesting book title, Find Your Soulmate Online in Six Simple Steps. Do you believe that there is a soulmate for everyone?
Dr. Diana Kirschner
(3:16): Yes. I believe that there is more than one in a lifetime.
Elaborating on Is There A Soulmate For Everyone?
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3 Signs A Guy Has Soulmate Potential
(4:24): A soulmate at one point in your life might not be the same level of soulmate at a different point. Let’s talk about soulmate potential. For a woman, what are the three key things that tell you that a guy has real soulmate potential?
Dr. Diana Kirschner
(4:48): When you get the following three things happening, then a person has great soulmate potential:
- The person is crazy about you
- They’re willing to grow
- You have this really great connection and chemistry
Elaborating further on the points above: 3 Signs A Guy Has Soulmate Potential.
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Does Love Come In Suprise Packages?
(7:16): That’s a potent combination. In Find Your Soulmate Online in Six Simple Steps, you say something that I often mention to our clients as well. That is, “Love almost always comes in a surprise package.” Please tell us about that.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
(7:38): There is much more going on with a person than meets the eye, especially for women. Men are a little more visual.
Women will have ideas about what they need in a partner. This can sometimes be part of their own self-defeating pattern. People tell me all kinds of ridiculous ideas, as I’m sure they’ve told you:
- He needs to be tall.
- He needs to make a certain amount of money.
- He has to be blonde.
The truth is that there is so much going on when people fall in love and find a lasting passionate relationship. We don’t know all the things. I don’t know all the things.
Elaborating further on Does Love Come In Suprise Packages?
No TIME to Find Someone? We can HELP!
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The Secret To An Irresistible Email
(9:22): Yes. In your book, you say you can write an email that makes an intriguing man beg to meet you. Tell us about that email.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
(9:35): Elaborating on The Secret To An Irresistible Email.
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3 Online Dating Success Tips
(11:12): I love having the question at the end and engaging him. You are making it so easy and welcoming to reply. I love that.
You give a few Online Dating Success Tips. – Tell us about that.
Men and women are meeting lots of people online and sometimes finding them completely disappointing. How can a woman tell if she’s being what you call “too picky?” What are some signs of that?
Dr. Diana Kirschner
(11:46): 3 Online Dating Success Tips are:
- Picture
- Headline
- Profile
Set yourself up to attract the kind of person you want. If you are not setting up your online materials correctly, you’re not going to get the kind of soulmate you want.
You’re going to get what I call “duds.” They are unworkable dudes.
Elaborating further on 3 Online Dating Success Tips.
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Lower Your Expectations!
(13:53): I love that. It’s so empowering. This is all in your control in terms of the picture, the profile and the headline. That’s what I love about it. It’s in a woman’s control to set that up.
You also suggest to readers that they lower their expectations. Tell us what you mean by that.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
(14:23): It’s a very interesting thing. Expectations are tricky and they set you up for disappointment.
That’s across the board in all of your life.
- They can set you up for resentments and all kinds of problems.
- Expectations are very tricky.
- The idea is to take the right action. You set everything up so that it’s attracting the right people and then let go.
This is a numbers game.
In the book, I talk about how to get your numbers way up so that many more men see your profile.
Elaborating further on: Lower Your Expectations!
No TIME to Find Someone? We can HELP!
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Why Date Multiple Men At Once
(16:17): Like you said, we’re in touch with a number of people at the same time. You suggest that commitment-minded women ideally casually date three men at the same time. Tell us about that.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
(16:45): That is important. That guards you. First, it makes you feel terrific. Most women say, “I can’t even get one good guy to date.” In Find Your Soulmate, I tell you how to get many good guys to date.
- It makes you feel terrific because three guys are interested in you.
- It stops you from really getting overly attached to one.
- You’re not waiting for his text or call.
He didn’t make arrangements this weekend. What does that mean? You don’t obsess over one because you have three.
Elaborating further on: Why Date Multiple Men At Once
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2 Online Dating Sites For Over 40
(20:24): Speaking of women and family pressure, I know that you speak in your book to all women, including women who are over 45 and 55. You talk about how they can succeed in online dating. You talk about Online Dating Sites For Over 40 – Tell us about that.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
(20:46): I have no affiliation with any company. I like everyone to be on at least two sites – for example:
- Match.com
- SeniorPeopleMeet.com
That group is golden when it comes to online dating. They do so well into their late 60s. They do great. That whole Boomer group is on there in spades. There are tons of Boomer people on there right now.
Elaborating further on the points above: 2 Online Dating Sites For Over 40
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No TIME to Find Someone? We can HELP!
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3 Online Dating Red Flags
(23:37): Here is another thing that comes up for people, even for this age group that we’ve spoken about. That is scammers. Let’s talk about how to stay clear of scammers. I know that your book discusses some red flags to watch out for. What are some of those?
Dr. Diana Kirschner
(24:00): 3 Online Dating Red Flags are:
- The person often lives outside the country.
- He or she appears to be too wonderful.
- They suddenly have their sob story.
Elaborating further on the points above: 3 Online Dating Red Flags
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The Flirting Secret – Silence!
(26:47): I want to switch gears. In your book, you provide tips for a first date – You give a ‘Flirting Secret – Silence!’
You said something that I think our listeners will find compelling. You say, “Silence is where flirting happens at a deeper level.”Tell us about that.
I know that a lot of people, especially on a first date, feel the pressure if there’s a silence to fill in that gap to avoid an awkward silence. Tell me what you mean by, “Silence is where flirting happens on a deeper level.”
Dr. Diana Kirschner
(27:23): Your charm and charisma is not a matter of words. Even your shyness is very magnetic, especially from a woman to a man.
Your shyness can be very magnetic. If you take a little glance at the eyes of the person in that quiet, that’s a very powerful kind of flirting. Maybe you give just a little smile.
The most intimate moments don’t involve words.
- They involve making eye contact.
- They involve sending energy through your mouth, smiling or sometimes a touch.
- It can be a simple touch. Knowing that, you don’t have to be afraid if you’re shy.
It’s charming. Once you accept that and give a shy glance or smile, the guy can fall for you right in that moment, hook, line and sinker.
Elaborating further on the Flirting Secret – Silence!
No TIME to Find Someone? We can HELP!
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(30:21): Yes, it’s a little vulnerable and you’re sharing yourself. I love that. I don’t want to let you go before you say a word or two on this. I completely agree on how important pictures are, especially for women online. I know you have a number of different suggestions for online pictures. Maybe you can give one or two. Then we will let the listeners become readers and find the rest. Can you share one or two with our listeners?
Dr. Diana Kirschner
(31:04): Yes. If you’re a woman, wear red. You will be more attractive to men. There is no question. The research is very clear. A red scoop top will do it. Make sure you’re smiling into the camera and you’re making eye contact. Remember, we just talked about that. Part of the flirting is that eye contact and smile. Even if you feel like you don’t take pictures well, go for it and have a friend take hundreds of digital photos of you.
There is lots more that I can’t get into. Pick up a copy of this ebook. Amazon priced it at only $2.99. It’s less than the cost of a latte and it will change your life. It will tell you how to ride the bike and how to succeed in online dating. I’m so excited at the way that they priced it so that anyone can pick it up. It’s Find Your Soulmate Online in Six Simple Steps. It shows you how.
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(32:13): That’s a great one. I appreciate you sharing your insights with us, Diana. They’ve been very interesting. Thank you.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
(32:21): I enjoyed it quite a bit.
(32:25): In case you joined us late or would like to share this show with people in your life, I’d like to remind you that today’s show will be archived and available as a podcast on Intersections Match’s website, which is www.IntersectionsMatch.com. I can be reached at jasbina@intersectionsmatch.com. I appreciate you hanging out with us. Make sure to join us for next month’s show. Take care, everyone.
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Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show
Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Find Your Soulmate Online – In Six Simple Steps: Diana Kirschner
Listen to the entire interview on iTunes
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